| Sex Before Marriage - Is it Wrong? |
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| Written by Georg Kehrhahn |
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Compiled by Georg Kehrhahn Aim: To make youth aware of the dangers of entering into a sexual relationship outside of marriage on their whole life as well as aspects of their sexual development Bible in context in regards to sexuality The Biblical context of sexual intercourse is the life-long commitment in marriage between one man and a woman. When Jesus spoke of marriage went back to the creation account: “ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Matthew 19:5-6 quoting Genesis 2:24) 1. What does Jesus mean by the word “United”? When a couple gets married, three things will be happening: Firstly, there is a leaving—a public act of lifelong exclusive commitment. Secondly, there is an uniting of the man and the woman. They are “glued together” in marriage. Thirdly, it is in this context that the “one flesh” sexual union takes place. It is not just physical and biological, but emotional, psychological, spiritual and socially. Our whole beings are united in marriage, and sexual intercourse is not just a physical response to a physical desire. The physical union both expresses the other unions and also brings them about. We express ourselves with our bodies and the act of intercourse expresses our unity (Gumbel, 1994:44-51). God, in his love, warns against human distortions Tragically, God’s plan has been distorted by human sin. Our sin affects every area of our human lives, including our sexuality. ‘All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God’ (Romans 3:23). Obviously, not everyone’s sexuality is equally distorted, and some will retain the original creation order more than others will, but none of us is in a position to pass judgment. When Jesus said to those about to stone the woman caught in adultery: ‘If anyone of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her’ (John 8:1-11), the context was not just any sin, but specifically sexual sin. The Maker’s instructions were given out of love. It is not that when he sees people enjoying themselves he says, ‘I’ll soon put a stop to that!’ but rather that God does not want us to get hurt. Because sexual intercourse is a life-uniting act, Paul says that even if a man has sex with a prostitute he becomes one with her body (1 Corinthians 6:16). He commands his readers to ‘flee from sexual immorality’ (v18). The word he uses includes all sex outside marriage. It is the same word that Jesus used in Mark 7:21 and Paul used elsewhere (1 Thessalonians4:3-8). The Causes of Sex apart from Marriage 1. Environmental Stimulation (a) Social Atmosphere Modern society emphasizes the value of immediate, physical sexual pleasure. Many popular magazines, most films, numerous television programs, many commercial advertisements, and literally thousands of novels seem blatantly designed to arouse and play on our sexual urges and desires. Citizen attempts to clean up the media or reduce pornography are often met with resistance in the form of compelling arguments: “We shouldn’t restrict the rights of others to view what they want” “What people see and do in private is their own business” “Although media stimulate sexual (and violent) urges, the media also reflect what most people really want—and are willing to pay for it.” Populace (including Christians) who in turn exudes a powerful peer pressure soaks up this sexually supercharged atmosphere. (b) Sexual Convenience A newspaper report once described the difficulties faced by Russian couples who want privacy. Cars are scarce, motel rooms are difficult to rent, and apartments are usually crowded with relatives. Such is not the case in the Western culture. As mobile people with cars, we can get to private locations easily. As affluent people with money, we can pay for secret lunches and motel rooms. As independent people who have less social and parental surveillance, we can be less anxious about sexual experimentation. As sexuality open people with easily obtained contraceptives devices and condoms (which are advertised freely), we can be less worried about AIDS or pregnancy. “Convenient” adultery is becoming more and more accessible to teenagers and adults. (c) Liberal Values Sex apart from marriage is no longer a taboo subject. Our generation probably knows more about birth control, sexual intercourse, and masturbation than any previous generation. Cohabitation, mate swapping, unfaithfulness, and similar behaviors are openly discussed and widely tolerated, if not accepted. Sexual restrictions have lessened, sexual standards have loosened, and sexual expectations have become more liberal. (d) Inappropriate Education Many people, especially young people, enter sexual relationships with inaccurate knowledge of the emotional and physical consequences. Novels and films often give a distorted picture of sexual love, and sex education classes teach the facts of biology without the stabilizing influence that comes with knowledge of the principles of morality. For many people the basis of their behavior is the still-prevalent ethic: “if it feels good, do it!” 2. Internal Pressure The environment makes it easier to yield to sexual temptations, but the real source of trouble rests inside the individual’s mind. Jesus indicates this clearly during one of his talks with the pious Pharisees. “The things that come out the mouth come from the heart…For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, and sexual immorality(Matthew 15:16-19). These internal “heart” pressures include the following: (a) Curiosity With the present emphasis on sex, it is easy for anyone, married or single, to conclude: “ I must be missing something that I’d like to try.” Bored or dissatisfied with one’s current sexual behavior (or lack of behavior) there is a desire to try something new and different. This increases the likelihood that we will take advantage of sexual opportunities when they become available. (b) Uncontrolled Fantasy Many people (one report says about 95% of males and 50% of females) engage in sexual fantasies. This mental activity is sexually arousing and often occurs before and during intercourse to enrich the sexual experience. Research evidence shows that some individual’s are more aroused by fantasizing a sexual event than by viewing erotic pictures or reading pornographic materials. Since nobody else can see what we fantasize or even knows if and when we have sexual fantasies, this mental sexuality often continues unchecked in the mind. When this fantasy is frequent and lustful, there is more likelihood that overt sexual acts will occur if and when the opportunity presents itself. (c) The search of identity and Self-esteem Many people feel inferior, insignificant, insecure, and lacking in any real life purpose. On a partially unconscious level, some view sex apart from marriage as a way to be accepted, to prove oneself, to feel needed, and bolster self-esteem. Many middle aged and older people, fearing a loss of virility and attractiveness, have an affair in an attempt to convince themselves that they are still desirable sexually. (d) The search for Intimacy and Closeness As we have seen, sexuality involves more than genital contact. It can involve deep communication, acceptance, and sincere love. When people feel lonely, unwanted, and emotionally deprived, they often seek intimacy, tenderness, excitement, and fulfillment in sexual relationships apart from marriage. (e) Escape or Rebellion Sexual behavior, including masturbation, sometimes can be a way to escape boredom, relieve tension, and temporarily avoid pressures in life. At other times, sexual behavior is an indication of rebellion against parental or church authority, a declaration of independence from one’s past, or an expression of anger and defiance against one’s mate or some other person. (f) Distorted Thinking It is easier to document the prevalence of sexual deviation than to uncover its causes. Past learning about sex, failures in earlier sexual encounters, fears that one is “different”, neurotic and psychotic misperceptions, failure to anticipate the consequences of one’s actions, and unconscious desire to be caught and punished, excessive daring and risk taking are among the many reasons people involve themselves in perverse sexual activities. The effects of Sex Outside of Marriage 1) Emotional Effects Emotional turmoil, guilt, jealously, fear, anxiety, insecurity, self-condemnation, anger, and depression are among the reactions that have been known to follow sexual behavior apart from marriage. Widespread belief in the benefits of sexual “freedom” may entice many people into what one psychiatrist has called a “a freedom that enslaves”. 2) Interpersonal Effects The so-called double standard that tolerates sexual looseness in men but not women seems to be disappearing, but it still strong in some levels and segments of society. Although there is some evidence that premarital and extra sex often do not influence marriages adversely, there are many examples of situations in which marriages have disintegrated, careers and ministers have been wrecked, families have broken up, and personal relationships have been destroyed because of non-marital sexual actions. 3) Spiritual Effects The Christian is obligated to forsake sin and follow the teachings of Christ. Attempting to maintain a Christian witness while engaging in sinful sexual practices is a contradiction. If the sexual immorality continues, one’s spiritual vitality and influence are certain to decline. Sin must be confessed and forsaken if one is to expect spiritual growth and avoid spiritual stagnation. 4) Physical Effects It is well known that sex apart from marriage increases the prospects of illegitimate pregnancies, venereal disease, and AIDS-all of which are currently increasing at an alarming rate. This harmfulness is most apparent when guilt, mistrust, emotional involvement in other relationships, comparisons with other partners, anger, anxiety, or insecurity are brought to the marriage bed. In these circumstances, or when at least one partner finds major sexual fulfillment apart from marriage, it is difficult for a married couple to attain maximum physical satisfaction and sexual fulfillment. Conclusion Being sexual active is more than just getting into bed and having intercourse. It involves real people with real needs and feelings. Needs of being loved and cared for. Sex is a gift from God, which is there for the enjoyment of people, once it is placed in its right context, meaning marriage. Being sexually active is no difficult thing to achieve, but getting a lasting experience with the right individual is where the real test of character is lying. Therefore, although it is the choice of each individual to be sexually active or not, consider the physical and emotional that you could cause the one you love and care about as well as the damage that you cause to yourself, just simply because you could not wait or giving in to the temptations. Paul does not say that when sin is knocking on your door and you to weak to withstand flee from it. The focus of this paper is to make you the reader aware that there is more to sexual immorality than the eye can see. Examine your motives. Be critical about this issue and realize that sexual lust is not love and therefore, it is the most selfish thing you can ever do to those nearest to you. Do to others what you want others to do to you. Bibliography Gumbel, Nicky (1994) Searching Issues - Tackling seven common objections to the Christian Faith Kingsway Publications; Eastbourne Collins, Gary, R. (1998) Christian Counseling - A Comprehensive Guide W Publishing Group: USA |